Aug 29, 2005


Venus has moved out of your second house and into a condominium down the street. Don't refund her cleaning deposit until you check the carpets for damage.

I'm afraid I've got some disappointing news. Today you were supposed to be "born again," but your mother absolutely refused to cooperate.

As of today, Fortune can be yours ... along with Forbes, Business Week and U.S. News & World Report for just pennies per month!

Today you will become famous by publishing a book that attempts to prove that Rembrandt did all his paintings by number.

Today an enraged group of grocery clerks will beat you mercilessly until you agree to have a nice day.

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