Jan 10, 2007

Hump Day Humor

Admiral William Fallon will run the U.S. Central Command in the Middle East. It's a tricky job. You have to be smart enough to get U.S. troops out of Iraq and a good enough actor to convince President Bush they are still there. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

A Gallup Poll says 44% of Americans read a newspaper every day. That means that President Bush for once is in the majority on something. (Jim Barach)

For the first time, the House of Representatives was controlled by a woman, Nancy Pelosi. It was wild, the House voted to have a sleep over, braid their hair and freeze the bras of the first representatives to fall asleep. (comedy writer Alex Kaseberg)

Gas prices are headed back up. Oil companies plan more exploration in 2007. They seek to find remaining dollars in customer wallets. (Alan Ray)

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced a new plan that would give everyone in California health insurance. Not surprisingly, it will be paid for by Blue Cross of Mexico. (Conan O'Brien)

The big news from Hollywood: Lindsay Lohan had her appendix removed. She had no choice. The pain was making it hard for Lindsay to concentrate on her drinking. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

NBC, always on the forefront of new ideas, is bringing back the series "The Bionic Woman.” Do you think that will be a hit? I don’t know, these days a women walking around L.A. with a lot of fake body parts, is that a big deal anymore? (Jay Leno)

Sharp unveiled a 108-inch TV at the Las Vegas electronics show. Not that many people will buy one. They cost more than Lindsay Lohan's appendix on eBay. (HaBlog)

President Bush will make a major speech on Iraq this week. He's expected to change course by sending more troops and more money to Iraq. It's a change of course because this time he really means it. (HaBlog)