Dec 13, 2006

Hump Day Humor

President Bush is planning to address the nation about Iraq after the first of the year. Meantime, in preparation for the speech, he's patiently listening to the views of everybody in government. That's how much some guys hate Christmas shopping. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

The Iraq Study Group, among several recommendations suggested a graceful exit from Iraq. Apparently, they want to hire Dick Clark for the countdown. (Pedro Bartes)

Texas is considering a law allowing blind people to hunt. I guess they're just trying to make Dick Cheney feel welcome. (Jake Novak)

Actor Wesley Snipes has been arrested. Still no word yet on Osama bin Laden. (Jay Leno)

In a survey: 64 percent said they plan to finish their Christmas shopping next week. Gee, I didn't even start yet. I can't start Christmas shopping until I get the money I was promised in that email from my new friend in Nigeria. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

A study shows that more companies are pushing healthy habits. A good example are the oil companies. They are making Americans walk more every day. (Jim Barach)

Kevin Federline might be competing in an upcoming pro-wrestling event. I never thought I would ever say this, but I expected better out of pro-wrestling. (Conan O'Brien)

The Grammy nominations are out. Country stars always make emotional acceptance speeches. Normally, there isn’t a dry singer in the house. (Alan Ray)

One thing I've noticed about Christmas trees: You can't see the freshness date until the needles fall off. (HaBlog)