Nov 29, 2006

Hump Day Humor

President Bush said Tuesday the U.S. will not withdraw from Iraq. It's the same thing he has said every day for almost four years. It's like the leader of the free world is a recording. (HaBlog)

The New York Times says the Iraqi insurgency is self-financing due to all the cash from oil smuggling, kidnapping and extortion. President Bush can't believe it. Never in his life has he been responsible for a business that paid for itself. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

Pope Benedict the 16th on Tuesday urged the world's religions to support non-violence. Gee, it's getting a little scary out there when you have to beg the good guys to play nice. In other words, if the lion laid down with the lamb today, the lamb might eat him! (HaBlog)

Cuba celebrates Fidel Castro’s 80th birthday this week. You can tell it’s a festive occasion. All around Havana the government has hung brightly colored dissidents. (Alan Ray)

The Norovirus sickened nearly 700 people on a Carnival Cruise ship. Carnival Cruise can brag it is the only cruise line where people actually lose weight. (Jim Barach)

ABC's All My Children this week will introduce a transgender character who is making the transition from a man into a woman. Of course the fastest and easiest way for a man to turn into a woman is to watch "All My Children." (Jake Novak)

A guy in Oregon will be in the Guinness Book of Records for building the world's biggest rubber band ball. He used more than 175,000 rubber bands. It weighs 4,594 pounds. It's sponsored by Office Max. Other "Office Supplies" World Records up for grabs:

  • Longest chain of paper clips that were previously used to remove earwax.
  • Most times sticking a Post-It Note on a refrigerator door, removing it, and sticking it back on again.
  • Most creative but non-lethal use of Liquid Paper.
  • Tallest stack of copies made using most sheets of carbon paper between most sheets of regular paper.
  • Most fingertips amputated by a 3-ring binder. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

Some people are saying that soon we’ll have universal gift cards. Cards that can be used at any store. Didn’t that used to be called money? (Jay Leno)

The upcoming "Nativity Story” movie has its world premiere at the Vatican. There was an awkward moment when some guy in the back said to the Pope, "Hey pal, take off that big hat so we can see.” (Conan O'Brien)