Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
R, Comedy, 1hr 38min
Opens on December 1, 2006
Starring: Kal Penn, Holly Davidson

The protégé of the most skilled party planner in college campus history sets his sights on Oxford to offer an advanced course in college mischief in this sequel to the 2002 Ryan Reynolds hit starring Kal Penn.

~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

President Bush said Tuesday the U.S. will not withdraw from Iraq. It's the same thing he has said every day for almost four years. It's like the leader of the free world is a recording. (HaBlog)

The New York Times says the Iraqi insurgency is self-financing due to all the cash from oil smuggling, kidnapping and extortion. President Bush can't believe it. Never in his life has he been responsible for a business that paid for itself. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

Pope Benedict the 16th on Tuesday urged the world's religions to support non-violence. Gee, it's getting a little scary out there when you have to beg the good guys to play nice. In other words, if the lion laid down with the lamb today, the lamb might eat him! (HaBlog)

Cuba celebrates Fidel Castro’s 80th birthday this week. You can tell it’s a festive occasion. All around Havana the government has hung brightly colored dissidents. (Alan Ray)

The Norovirus sickened nearly 700 people on a Carnival Cruise ship. Carnival Cruise can brag it is the only cruise line where people actually lose weight. (Jim Barach)

ABC's All My Children this week will introduce a transgender character who is making the transition from a man into a woman. Of course the fastest and easiest way for a man to turn into a woman is to watch "All My Children." (Jake Novak)

A guy in Oregon will be in the Guinness Book of Records for building the world's biggest rubber band ball. He used more than 175,000 rubber bands. It weighs 4,594 pounds. It's sponsored by Office Max. Other "Office Supplies" World Records up for grabs:

• Longest chain of paper clips that were previously used to remove earwax.
• Most times sticking a Post-It Note on a refrigerator door, removing it, and sticking it back on again.
• Most creative but non-lethal use of Liquid Paper.
• Tallest stack of copies made using most sheets of carbon paper between most sheets of regular paper.
• Most fingertips amputated by a 3-ring binder. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

Some people are saying that soon we’ll have universal gift cards. Cards that can be used at any store. Didn’t that used to be called money? (Jay Leno)

The upcoming "Nativity Story” movie has its world premiere at the Vatican. There was an awkward moment when some guy in the back said to the Pope, "Hey pal, take off that big hat so we can see.” (Conan O'Brien)

Sometimes it takes only a word, or just a few, to become immortalized in television history. The TV Land cable network has compiled a list of the 100 greatest catchphrases in TV, from the serious — Walter Cronkite's nightly signoff "And that's the way it is" — to the silly: "We are two wild and crazy guys!"

The network will air a countdown special, "The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases," over five days starting Dec. 11.

"We have found that television is such a huge part of baby boomers' DNA that it makes sense that so much of America's pop culture jargon has come from TV," said Larry Jones, TV Land president.

The greatest number of moments, 26, come from the 1970s. TV Land identified nine moments from this decade. Ten are from commercials, and 28 from comedies, including six from "Saturday Night Live."

In alphabetical order, TV Land's list:

_"Aaay" (Fonzie, "Happy Days")
_"And that's the way it is" (Walter Cronkite, "CBS Evening News")
_"Ask not what your country can do for you ..." (John F. Kennedy)
_"Baby, you're the greatest" (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners")
_"Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, "Emeril Live")
_"Book 'em, Danno" (Steve McGarrett, "Hawaii Five-O")
_"Come on down!" (Johnny Olson, "The Price is Right")
_"Danger, Will Robinson" (Robot, "Lost in Space")
_"De plane! De plane!" (Tattoo, "Fantasy Island")
_"Denny Crane" (Denny Crane, "Boston Legal")
_"Do you believe in miracles?" (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)
_"D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")
_"Don't make me angry ..." (David Banner, "The Incredible Hulk")
_"Dyn-o-mite" (J.J., "Good Times")
_"Elizabeth, I'm coming!" (Fred Sanford, "Sanford and Son")
_"Gee, Mrs. Cleaver ..." (Eddie Haskell, "Leave it to Beaver")
_"God'll get you for that" (Maude, "Maude")
_"Good grief" (Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" specials)
_"Good night, and good luck" (Edward R. Murrow, "See It Now")
_"Good night, John Boy" ("The Waltons")
_"Have you no sense of decency?" (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)
_"Heh heh" (Beavis and Butt-head, "Beavis and Butthead")
_"Here it is, your moment of Zen" (Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show")
_"Here's Johnny!" (Ed McMahon, "The Tonight Show")
_"Hey now!" (Hank Kingsley, "The Larry Sanders Show")
_"Hey hey hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")
_"Hey hey hey!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")
_"Holy (whatever), Batman!" (Robin, "Batman")
_"Holy crap!" (Frank Barone, "Everybody Loves Raymond")
_"Homey don't play that!" (Homey the Clown, "In Living Color")
_"How sweet it is!" (Jackie Gleason, "The Jackie Gleason Show")
_"How you doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani, "Friends")
_"I can't believe I ate the whole thing" (Alka Seltzer ad)
_"I know nothing!" (Sgt. Schultz, "Hogan's Heroes")
_"I love it when a plan comes together" (Hannibal, "The A-Team")
_"I want my MTV!" (MTV ad)
_"I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl ..." (Larry, "Newhart")
_"I'm not a crook ..." (Richard Nixon)
_"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" (Vicks Formula 44 ad)
_"I'm Rick James, bitch!" (Dave Chappelle)
_"It keeps going and going and going ..." (Energizer Batteries ad)
_"It takes a licking ..." (Timex ad)
_"Jane, you ignorant slut" (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, "Saturday Night Live")
_"Just one more thing ..." (Columbo, "Columbo")
_"Let's be careful out there" (Sgt. Esterhaus, "Hill Street Blues")
_"Let's get ready to rumble!" (Michael Buffer, various sports events)
_"Live long and prosper" (Spock, "Star Trek")
_"Makin' whoopie" (Bob Eubanks, "The Newlywed Game")
_"Mom always liked you best" (Tommy Smothers, "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour")
_"Never assume ..." (Felix Unger, "The Odd Couple")
_"Nip it!" (Barney Fife, "The Andy Griffith Show")
_"No soup for you!" (The Soup Nazi, "Seinfeld")
_"Norm!" ("Cheers")
_"Now cut that out!" (Jack Benny, "The Jack Benny Program")
_"Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" (Stan and Kyle, "South Park")
_"Oh, my nose!" (Marcia Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
_"One small step for man ..." (Neil Armstrong)
_"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" (Grey Poupon ad)
_"Read my lips: No new taxes!" (George H.W. Bush)
_"Resistance is futile" (Picard as Borg, "Star Trek: The Next Generation")
_"Say good night, Gracie" (George Burns, "The Burns & Allen Show")
_"Schwing!" ( Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, "Saturday Night Live")
_"Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)
_"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids" (Trix cereal ad)
_"Smile, you're on `Candid Camera'" ("Candid Camera")
_"Sock it to me" ("Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In")
_"Space, the final frontier ..." (Capt. Kirk, "Star Trek")
_"Stifle!" (Archie Bunker, "All in the Family")
_"Suit up!" (Barney Stinson, "How I Met Your Mother")
_"Tastes great! Less filling!" (Miller Lite beer ad)
_"Tell me what you don't like about yourself" (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, "Nip/Tuck")
_"That's hot" ( Paris Hilton, "The Simple Life")
_"The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" (Jim McKay, "ABC's Wide World of Sports")
_"The tribe has spoken" (Jeff Probst, "Survivor")
_"The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder, "The X-Files")
_"This is the city ..." (Sgt. Joe Friday, "Dragnet")
_"Time to make the donuts" ("Dunkin' Donuts" ad)
_"Two thumbs up" (Siskel & Ebert, "Siskel & Ebert")
_"Up your nose with a rubber hose" (Vinnie Barbarino, "Welcome Back, Kotter")
_"We are two wild and crazy guys!" ( Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, "Saturday Night Live")
_"Welcome to the O.C., bitch" (Luke, "The O.C.")
_"Well, isn't that special?" (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, "Saturday Night Live")
_"We've got a really big show!" (Ed Sullivan, "The Ed Sullivan Show")
_"Whassup?" (Budweiser ad)
_"What you see is what you get!" (Geraldine, "The Flip Wilson Show")
_"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, "Diff'rent Strokes")
_"Where's the beef?" (Wendy's ad)
_"Who loves you, baby?" (Kojak, "Kojak")
_"Would you believe?" (Maxwell Smart, "Get Smart")
_"Yabba dabba do!" (Fred Flintstone, "The Flintstones")
_"Yada, yada, yada" ("Seinfeld")
_"Yeah, that's the ticket" ( Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, "Saturday Night Live")
_"You eeeediot!" (Ren, "Ren & Stimpy")
_"You look mahvelous!" ( Billy Crystal as Fernando, "Saturday Night Live")
_"You rang?" (Lurch, "The Addams Family")
_"You're fired!" (Donald Trump, "The Apprentice")
_"You've got spunk ..." (Lou Grant, "The Mary Taylor Moore Show")

BlackFriday.info

We are the official site for all of the 2006 Black Friday ads as they are reported to us during this holiday shopping season. We also have discussion forums where you can talk with other Black Friday shoppers. If you would like to submit Black Friday deals or if you are a member of the media and would like to talk with us about a holiday shopping story, please contact us.

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

The CIA has given up on trying to find Osama bin Laden. They now have a new task of trying to find a Playstation 3. (Jay Leno)

President Bush’s approval rating continues sinking. The President right now is in a tie with O.J. and Michael Richards. (Pedro Bartes)

The first Thanksgiving was celebrated by Pilgrims and wild Indians. We don't have Pilgrims anymore. All we have are Democrats and Republicans running around like wild Indians. (HaBlog)

Sources say the prenup agreement Britney Spears and Kevin Federline signed before their wedding is 60 pages long. The first two pages are about money -- the next 58 pages are about tattoo removal. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

Nintendo’s Wii has been introduced. The new video game console goes head to head against its arch enemy. Productivity. (Alan Ray)

The Food and Drug Administration has approved silicone gel implants for cosmetic breast enhancement. There's a warning. Silicone gel implants are softer and look more natural, but a lifetime of free drinks might cause all kinds of health problems. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

A Tennessee museum took down an exhibit of deep fried flags that the artist claims is a commentary on obesity in America. Museum officials thought the display could be incendiary. That, and that patrons might try to eat them.(Jim Barach)

This is a really cool website. Everything you want to know about your favorite music and artists...

You can get the latest music news, search for a song, band, or albumn, and get complete bios on every artist ever recorded. They have sample listening, music videos, and online stations to keep you entertained. As well as some cool editorial reviews and critics.

Check out: http://www.allmusic.com/

Tha Blue Carpet Treatment
SNOOP DOGG

Release Date: November 21
Producer(s): various
Genre: R&B/HIP-HOP
Label: Doggystyle/Geffen

Resident West Coaster Snoop Dogg returns to his roots for his eighth album, coupling the fancy, commercialist rap he has chosen of late with catchy, thought-provoking tracks. The smooth intro "Think About It" has a jazz-club feel, while the bass-thumping "Candy" (featuring E-40, MC Eight, Goldie Loc, Daz and Kurupt) is amp-you-up music at its best.

Also present are run-of-the-mill ladies jams "So Special" featuring Brandy and "That's That" featuring R. Kelly. But sonically, "Blue Carpet" is a West Coast record in every sense, as Snoop reunites with Dr. Dre for several tracks, including the ponderous "Imagine."

Ironically, the Ice Cube-featured "LAX" and "Gangbanging 101" featuring the Game are the least alluring songs. But even with those missteps, Snoop has found a happy balance between pop and hardcore.

—Clover Hope

By David Martin
(CNN) -- The next time you are deciding between ice cream and cake, buying a car or taking a trip to Europe, accepting a new job or keeping your old one, you should remember two things:

First, your decision is rooted in the desire to become happy -- or at least happier than you are now. Second, there's a good chance the decision you make will be wrong.

Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert summed up our failings this way: "People have a lot of bad theories about happiness."

It's not for lack of trying. The Declaration of Independence affirms that we have an inalienable right to pursue happiness, and it's something we do with a vengeance.

Americans will spend $750 million on self-help books this year and more than $1 billion on motivational speakers. More than 100 colleges now offer classes in positive psychology -- the science of happiness. With all those resources focused on achieving happiness, we should all be brimming with joy.

So where do we go wrong? Gilbert, author of the recent book "Stumbling on Happiness," blames our culture, our genes and our imagination.

Our culture implores us to buy bigger, newer, better things, but research shows "stuff" does not buy happiness. By and large, money buys happiness only for those who lack the basic needs. Once you pass an income of $50,000, more money doesn't buy much more happiness, Gilbert said.

Our genes hardwire us to reproduce, but children have a small negative effect on happiness, research shows. If you're a parent reading this, you're most likely shaking your head. But Gilbert said the findings are clear when parents are asked about their level of happiness in the moment.

"When you follow people throughout their days, as they're going about their normal activities, people are about as happy interacting with their children, on average, as when they're doing housework. They're much less happy than when they're exercising, sleeping, grocery shopping, hanging out with friends," Gilbert said. "Now, that doesn't mean they don't occasionally create these transcendent moments of joy that we remember as filling our days with happiness."

Finally, our imaginations fail us, Gilbert said, because when we envision different futures we see either perpetual gloom or happily ever-after scenarios. In fact, neither unhappiness nor joy last as long as we expect. As you've probably guessed, winning the lottery will not guarantee a life of bliss.

By the same token, becoming disabled does not relegate one to a life of unhappiness. The disabled spend their days about as happy as the general population, according to Gilbert.
So what makes us happy? In general, the older you get the happier you get -- until you reach very old age.

According to a Pew Research Center survey, the happiest age group is men 65 and older; the least happy: men 18 to 29.

The survey also found:

• Married people are happier than singles.


• College grads are happier than those without a college degree.


• People who were religious are happier than those who aren't.


• Sunbelt residents are happier than other U.S. residents.


• Republicans are happier than Democrats -- but both are happier than independents.

Nancy Segal, a professor at California State University, Fullerton, has spent her professional career studying twins and happiness. We all have an innate level of happiness, Segal said. The best we can do is boost our happiness a little bit above this natural "set point."

With that in mind, Segal said we should pass on buying lottery tickets and find small things we can do every day that bring us joy, whether it's going for a walk or cooking a meal or reading a book.

Robert Biswas-Diener is called the Indiana Jones of positive psychology because he has traveled the globe looking at happiness in different cultures.

"There is good evidence that people express at least some fundamental emotions like disgust, anger and happiness in a very similar way all around the world," Diener said.

Diener, who also is a life coach, says happiness from the most traditional cultures to the most modern depend heavily on close family and other human relationships.

If you want to do a better job predicting how happy something will make you, said Gilbert, the Harvard professor, you need to remember we are not so different when it comes to happiness.

"If I wanted to know what a certain future would feel like to me I would find someone who is already living that future," he said. "If I wonder what it's like to become a lawyer or marry a busy executive or eat at a particular restaurant my best bet is to find people who have actually done these things and see how happy they are.

"What we know from studies is not only will this increase the accuracy of your prediction, but nobody wants to do it," he said. "The reason is we believe we're unique. We don't believe other people's experiences can tell us all that much about our own. I think this is an illusion of uniqueness."

And if you're trying to decide between the new car and the trip to Europe, Gilbert said take the trip.

"Part of us believes the new car is better because it lasts longer. But, in fact, that's the worst thing about the new car," he said. "It will stay around to disappoint you, whereas a trip to Europe is over. It evaporates. It has the good sense to go away, and you are left with nothing but a wonderful memory."

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (5-4)

For Your Consideration
PG13, Comedy, 1hr 26min
Opens on November 17, 2006
Starring: Catherine O'Hara, Carrie Aizley, Parker Posey


Mockumentary mastermind Christopher Guest turns his satirical eye away from dog shows, small-town theater, and folk music to offer a hilarious take on Hollywood award season in this comedy focusing on trio of actors whose lives are turned upside down when they discover that their performances in an independent film are generating a sizable buzz in the entertainment industry.

Jay Berman (Guest) is in the process of directing his first feature film -- an intimate family drama set in the 1940s and detailing the tempestuous reunion of an estranged Jewish family that is reluctantly drawn together to celebrate Purim at the behest of their dying matriarch. The cast soon comes down with an infectious case of award fever when rumors on the Internet claim that "Purim" stars Marilyn Hack (Catherine O' Hara), Victor Allan Miller (Harry Shearer), and Callie Webb (Parker Posey) may be delivering Oscar-caliber performances.

When "Hollywood Now" co-anchors Chuck Porter (Fred Willard) and Cindy Martin (Jane Lynch) perpetuate the buzz on national television, the entire film crew starts to see stars in their eyes. Subsequently convinced that they have a sleeper hit on their hands, unit publicist Corey Taft (John Michael Higgins), talent agent Morley Orfkin (Eugene Levy), and producer Whitney Taylor Brown (Jennifer Coolidge) immediately cave to requests from Sunfish Classics president Martin Gibb (Ricky Gervais) to alter the film so that it may appeal to a larger audience.

Now, while "Purim" screenwriters Lane Iverson (Michael McKean) and Philip Koontz (Bob Balaban) are forced to watch helplessly as their original screenplay is plundered in order to cash in on the positive buzz, awards season draws near and the production takes a most unexpected turn.

~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

President Bush is flying to Asia to meet with leaders of Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam. Or as Bush calls them, China. (Conan O'Brien)

U.S. college students are studying abroad in record numbers, including a 53% increase in those going to India and 35% more going to China. Well, they might as well go to school where the jobs are. (Jake Novak)

A Massachusetts judge has ruled a burrito is not a sandwich. Apparently now that gay marriage isn't such a big issue, pretty much anything can get on the docket. (Jim Barach)

The Dallas suburb of Farmers Branch became the first Texas city to pass tough anti-immigration measures and make English the official language. Which seems a bit strange since many Farmers Branch residents only speak Farmer. (HaBlog)

Borat starring Sacha Baron Cohen has been banned in Russia. The government censor barred the movie for making fun of religions and ethnic groups. Movies like that aren't banned in the United States, they are number one at the box office. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

Scientists say manatees are smarter than previously thought. Research shows they’re a lot brighter than other species. For example, when they travel, they don’t talk on cell phones. (Alan Ray)

The tabloids are reporting Nicole Kidman is pregnant. Tom Cruise is saying it's probably some kind of "delayed action" thing from when they were married. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

The Pick of Destiny
TENACIOUS D

Release Date: November 14
Producer: John King
Genre: SOUNDTRACK
Label: Epic



Tenacious D insists it is the greatest band in the world, and on a couple occasions during this soundtrack to the duo's upcoming film of the same name, you kinda believe it. Simultaneously mocking and paying homage to metal, tracks like "Master Exploder" (cue the Judas Priest-style harmonized guitar solos) and "Car Chase City" (with a speed-addled Motörhead riff) is the D at its best—unapologetically obnoxious and having a ball. Beyond some amusing genre parodies (power ballads on "Dude I Totally Miss You," flute-flavored '60s pop on "Papagenu (He's My Sassafras)," Jack Black and Kyle Gass unite in rock with such idols as Meat Loaf and Ronnie James Dio ("Kickapoo"), and deliver their life story in anthemic fashion (the title cut). Best of all: Black scatting atop Gass' acoustic renditions of "Für Elise" and "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" on "Classico." —Jonathan Cohen

KC CHIEFS (5-3) AT
MIAMI DOLPHINS (2-6)
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 12,
12:00 PM (CENTRAL)
Listen Live to the Chiefs vs Dolphins
Herm Edwards Press Conference
Regular Season Game 9 (PDF)
TV: CBS Regional Coverage (KCTV-5) – Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker.

RADIO: KCFX-FM (101.1) – Mitch Holthus, Len Dawson, Bob Gretz and Bill Grigsby.

THE MATCH-UP
Kansas City makes the trek to South Florida for a second consecutive year as the Chiefs visit the Dolphins on Sunday. The Chiefs are 5-3 and are seeking to extend their winning streak to four games under head coach Herm Edwards, who has guided Kansas City to victories in five of its last six contests. Kansas City is coming off a convincing 31-17 road win at St. Louis (11/5) after securing home victories against San Diego and Seattle. Meanwhile, Miami got a huge boost by snapping a four-game losing streak as the Dolphins handed the previously-undefeated Bears their first loss of the season, registering a decisive 31-13 victory at Chicago (11/5).

Last season, the Chiefs prevailed by a 30-20 margin in an unusual Friday night contest at Miami (10/21/05). Kansas City traveled to Miami on the day of that game due to the impending arrival of Hurricane Wilma. The Chiefs will be seeking to win back-to-back road games against the Dolphins for the first time since registering victories in the club’s initial three trips to Miami in ‘66-68.

Both the Chiefs and the Dolphins are playing with a quarterback other than their Opening Day starter. Former Miami QB Damon Huard has posted a 5-2 record as Kansas City’s starter subbing for injured two-time Pro Bowl QB Trent Green. Huard has registered a rating of 100.0 or better in all five of the Chiefs victories and currently ranks second in the NFL with a 105.2 overall rating. In Miami, former Lions QB Joey Harrington has opened the last four games in place of QB Daunte Culpepper and threw three TDs last week against the Bears.

The Chiefs are one of seven AFC squads that own a 5-3 record or better at the midseason mark and are in the thick of the AFC West race with Denver and San Diego, who both own 6-2 records. The Chiefs have averaged 32.0 points per game during their three-game winning streak thanks in large part to RB Larry Johnson who ranks second in the NFL in yards from scrimmage (143.1 ypg) and is third in rushing yards (102.0 ypg). Up next for the Chiefs is a home date vs. Oakland (11/19), while Miami hosts Minnesota (11/19).

THE SERIES
The Dolphins hold a slim, 13-12 overall edge in the 25 meaningful games played in the series, including a pristine postseason mark of 3-0 against the Chiefs. KC owns a 12-10 advantage in regular season play, while the two squads have gone 1-1-1 in three preseason meetings. The Chiefs have won their last two meetings with the Dolphins and are attempting to construct their first three-game winning streak against Miami since winning the first six games in this series from ‘66-68.

Kansas City was victorious in its last visit to South Florida, winning by a 30-20 count at Dolphin Stadium (10/21/05) in a game that was moved to a Friday night due to the impending arrival of Hurricane Wilma. That contest snapped the Chiefs six-game losing streak at Miami. KC is 6-10 all-time in games played at Miami, owning a 2-6 mark at Dolphin Stadium and a 4-4 record at the Orange Bowl. The Chiefs other victory at Dolphin Stadium came by a 26-21 count (12/3/89). The Chiefs are 6-3 against the Dolphins in Kansas City, including a 48-30 win at Arrowhead (9/29/02).

Without question, the most memorable and most significant contest in this series was Miami’s 27-24 double-overtime AFC Divisional Playoff win at Kansas City (12/25/71), Miami’s first-ever victory over the Chiefs after six straight losses dating back to ‘66. That Christmas Day classic remains the longest game in NFL history (82:40). It was not only the final game ever played at Kansas City’s Municipal Stadium, but also marked the Chiefs final postseason appearance of the magnificent Hank Stram era.

Miami also owns victories in two other historic postseason meetings against Kansas City. The Dolphins prevailed by a 27-17 count in a ‘94 AFC Wild Card duel (12/31/94) between QBs Joe Montana and Dan Marino, a game that proved to be the final NFL contest of Montana’s Hall of Fame career. Kansas City also suffered a gut-wrenching 17-16 AFC First Round loss at Miami (1/5/91), an outing that marked the first of 10 playoff contests during Marty Schottenheimer’s 10-year tenure (’89-98) as Chiefs head coach.

Stranger Than Fiction
PG13 Opens Nov 10th

Who wants to die for art?"

Three decades ago, Divine asked the question in John Waters' "Female Trouble," while aiming a gun at a captive audience.

Essentially the same question gets asked again in "Stranger Than Fiction," a spotty screwball comedy about a geeky IRS auditor named Harold Crick (Will Ferrell) who discovers that he's the subject of a new book. It's the work of a popular British novelist, Kay Eiffel (Emma Thompson), who has a habit of killing off her characters.

In order to complete her latest novel, Harold will apparently have to die, quite literally, for Karen's art. Is this his destiny? Or is there a rational escape route? Do the patterns of his life indicate that death-by-fiction is his natural end, or could an arrangement be made? And does he even want to live if death could mean literary immortality?

Fresh off one of his biggest hits, "Talladega Nights," Ferrell is taking chances here with multiplex audiences by offering something completely different and rather arty. And they may warm to his love scenes with Maggie Gyllenhaal, who's incandescent as an income-tax protestor who writes nasty letters to Harold ("Dear Imperialist Swine ...") before succumbing to his naïve sincerity.

But what will Farrell's fans make of the truly odd episodes in which Karen pushes her deadly narrative agenda and a fussy literature professor (Dustin Hoffman) uses the classics to guide Harold through the life-threatening situations she invents? "Don't do anything to move the plot forward," he tells Harold, who briefly turns into a couch potato, pigging out and watching Nature Channel documentaries. To no avail. As soon as he's settled in, a wrecking ball wipes out the wall of his living room.

Much of "Stranger Than Fiction" suggests that Ferrell is following the recent career detour of another "Saturday Night Live" veteran, Adam Sandler, who followed up his lowest-common-denominator hits with the art-house-only success of "Punch-Drunk Love." First-time screenwriter Zach Helm owes a great deal to the works of Charlie Kaufman, especially his scripts for "Being John Malkovich" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." There's also a touch of "The Neverending Story" in the way the movie accepts the shattering of boundaries between fiction and those who become seduced by it.

The director, Marc Forster ("Finding Neverland"), emphasizes the loopiness of the material without always seeming comfortable with it. Far too much time is spent on cute sight gags — we see Harold brushing his teeth from a vantage point inside his mouth — and jokes about Harold's abilities as a math whiz (cartoony images of graphs and statistics follow him around).

Still, there are quite a few inspired moments: Ferrell and Gyllenhaal conducting a courtship on a zig-zagging bus; Queen Latifah's cameo role as a pushy publisher's assistant who specializes in overcoming writer's block ("I've never missed a deadline"); Hoffman skewering ivory-tower pretensions with a monologue about the literary history of the phrase, "Little did he know." For every three or four jokes that strike out, there's at least one that clicks.

Order Chinese Take Out
One Of The Funniest Bits EVER - Someday we will get this to work on the air too!!!

Say Goodbye to this classic PartyKC Audio, and search for the link here in the future. This will be the only place you can find it on the site...

The guessing game over Britney Spears' stormy marriage finally got a result: the Baby One More Time singer has filed for divorce from her dancer husband Kevin Federline of two years and one month.

Spears, 24, cited irreconcilable differences on her divorce petition, which was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court Tuesday, according to media reports.

Publicists for the singer was not immediately available for comment.

Spears asked for sole custody of her two sons with Federline, one-year-old Sean Preston, and James Jayden, born on Sept. 12. She did agree in the filing to let Federline have visitation rights.

News of Spears' divorce came just one day after she made a surprise appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman, where she laughed and joked with the veteran chat show host but gave no clue of the impending announcement.

Spears married Federline after a six-month courtship in 2004. In January that year, she married childhood friend Jason Alexander in Las Vegas, and anulled that marriage after 55 hours.

Rumors that the marriage was rocky had been circulating for months. But Spears denied she was estranged from her husband, saying he had helped her weather the ups and downs of her second pregnancy.

The pop singer shot to superstardom in late 1998, with her smash hit debut album Baby One More Time which she followed with another chart-topping success the following year, Oops!...I Did It Again.

According to Time magazine, Spears has sold over 76 million records worldwide and her 31 million albums sold in the U.S. make her the eighth best-selling female artist in American music history.

A recorded Bill Clinton called and asked me to vote a straight Democratic ticket. As opposed, I suppose, to a gay Democratic ticket. Before I decide, I'm waiting to see if a recorded George W. Bush calls. I like recorded politicians. They never get mad no matter what I call them. (HaBlog)

Actually, you can't help but wonder, if Republicans win, who they'll attack to celebrate. (HaBlog)

Election Day is the day we hope we vote intelligently and the candidates hope we don't. (HaBlog)

Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death. Iraqi officials expect an increased rash of violence. But after a few days, the country should return to its normal rash of violence. (Alan Ray)

During his sentencing, Saddam Hussein repeatedly shouted at the judge and interrupted anyone else who wanted to talk. If he can get a reprieve, he'd have a heck of a career as a right-wing radio host. (Jake Novak)

Reporters say that Saddam’s lawyers will appeal his sentence and that reaching a final verdict might take years. Coincidentally this Monday Dick Cheney is going hunting with Saddam’s lawyers. (Pedro Bartes)

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has raised $113 million in just three years. Most of that came from Hollywood executives who were donating to keep him from doing "Jingle All the Way II." (Jim Barach)

Willie Nelson has come out and said horses are smarter than people. What . . . . he like saw Trigger's S-A-T's? (Larry Crippen)

A special plea to the news media: On Election Night, please, please don't interview all the candidates. We've heard too much from them already. (HaBlog)

Have you noticed? All the candidates say exactly the same thing during each channel's "exclusive" interviews. (HaBlog)

VOTING IS EASY,
JUST DO IT!
Everything you need to know to piss off a politician by voting



1. FIRST, REGISTER TO VOTE
Do it online at http://www.rockthevote.com/. It’ll only take a few minutes---all you have to do is print it, sign it, lick it and mail it. The deadline to mail in your form is usually 15-30 days before the day of the election. Check your state’s info below to find out. If you think you are already registered at an old address, go ahead and re-register at your new address.

Some states allow you to register at the polling place on Election Day. Those states are Minnesota, Maine, Wisconsin, New Hampshire, Wyoming, and Idaho. If you live in one of those states and neglect to register before the election, you may show up on Election Day with ID and proof of residency and you can vote. Contact your state for more info. However, we encourage you to register to vote now so that we can follow up with you; you should use Election Day registration as a back up.

2. IF YOU ARE A STUDENT, YOU CAN VOTE FROM SCHOOL
College students can register to vote wherever they consider “home”, including their school address. Unfortunately, some state election officials don’t seem to understand this reality and they attempt to prevent students from registering and voting, claiming they are not “permanent” residents. This is wrong – don’t let it happen to you! See our website for more information that you can use to fight back. We encourage students to vote from school. If you believe, however, that your vote would make a bigger impact at your parents’ address, and you can’t get back there for Election Day, you may be able to get an absentee ballot and vote by mail. See below.

3. YOU MAY BE ABLE TO VOTE FROM HOME
If you are pretty sure you won’t be in town or able to vote in person on Election Day, you may be able to get an absentee ballot and vote by mail. (However, you must already be registered to vote, so if you haven’t registered before, never mind.) If you are eligible, you should request a vote by mail ballot from your state.

Deadlines vary from state to state so contact your elections division early—like now. Your state will send you the ballot; you just fill it out and mail it back. Usually the deadline for the state to receive the form is by close of the polls on Election Day or in some cases a few days before the election. Contact your elections division for the exact deadlines (see below). However, for residents of Illinois, Michigan, Louisiana, Nevada, Tennessee, Virginia, or West Virginia: you can’t vote by mail if this is your first time voting, you have to vote in the flesh the first time.

4. USE THE WEB TO FIND YOUR POLLING PLACE
Sometimes, people lose the information about WHERE they are supposed to vote. Then the election arrives and they don’t vote. Don’t let that happen to you: check Rock the Vote’s website and we will give you that information (however, keep in mind that this information will not be available until pretty close to the election). You may also check your state’s website, or call your state at the number listed on page 2. This information should also be on the documents your state sends you once you register, so hold onto it.

5. BRING ID AND PROOF OF RESIDENCY WITH YOU
Basically, we think the safest thing for you to do is to bring government issued ID with you to the polls on Election Day. If your driver’s license or government ID matches the address you used to register to vote, that’s all you need. If this ID does not have the address that you used to register to vote, then you should bring a separate proof of residency document such as a financial aid letter from your school, a personal check that has your address on it, rent receipt, recent utility bill, etc. Pretty much everyone who uses the Internet to register to vote, or who is registering to vote for the first time at a particular address, is going to have to provide ID with residency. Check your state specific requirements. And if you forget on Election Day to bring your ID or you lose it for some reason, vote with a provisional ballot. Don’t leave without voting.

6. DON’T BE INTIMIDATED
You don’t have to be a genius or even politically oriented to be qualified to vote. Really, you just need to have an opinion. And in our experience, everyone has an opinion. We always encourage you to have an informed opinion and we have many resources on our website designed to help you learn about what is at stake and on the ballot. But don’t feel intimidated by the complexity of the issues – you don’t have to meet anyone else’s standard but your own. And secondly, the actual process for voting is really, really easy. It’s no harder than getting cash out of an ATM or filling out a standardized test. Don’t worry about it. Just vote.

Contact your state election official with any additional questions
Click here for the Secretaries of State/Elections Divisions

http://www.vote411.org/pollingplacebystate.php

Chiefs 31 - Rams 17
Sunday, November 05, 2006

Postgame Notes
Game Book
Chiefs-Rams Photos

By Patrick Herb

Thanks to three first-half turnovers by the Rams and a season-high 172 rushing yards out of RB Larry Johnson, the Chiefs escaped St. Louis with a 31-17 win in the Governor’s Cup series. The Chiefs jumped out to a 17-0 first-half lead, then let Johnson protect it en route to the win.

St. Louis entered the game with the NFL’s third-best turnover ratio at +10, but that did very little to help its cause on Sunday. The Rams fumbled three times in the first quarter and the Chiefs capitalized on all three, jumping out to a 17-0 lead before the I-70 rivals knew what hit them.

On Kansas City’s first possession, RB Larry Johnson helped get the club out of bad field position at their own two-yard line when he broke off a 44-yard run. The drive stalled just across midfield, but Dustin Colquitt’s punt was muffed by WR Dane Looker at the Rams 14-yard line. Chiefs RB Dee Brown pounced on the loose ball setting up a Johnson one-yard touchdown run for a 7-0 lead moments later. The Chiefs excitement was tempered a bit on the drive when Pro Bowl G Brian Waters was carted off the field with a right knee injury.

Another Rams turnover led to the Chiefs next score as Chiefs DE Jared Allen sacked and stripped St. Louis QB Marc Bulger at the Rams 46-yard line. Rookie DT Stephen Williams recovered the fumble and watched his offense go for a knockout blow on the very next play. QB Damon Huard tossed a perfect 43-yard pass to WR Samie Parker down to the three-yard line. Huard then found TE Tony Gonzalez wide open in the end zone for a touchdown and a 14-0 lead. Gonzalez’s 58th career touchdown catch moved him past WR Otis Taylor (57) for the most touchdown receptions in franchise history.

LB Keyaron Fox forced the third St. Louis fumble on the next series when he poked the ball free from RB Steven Jackson. Allen recovered the ball for Kansas City at the St. Louis 33-yard line, giving the Chiefs another short field. KC settled for a 42-yard Lawrence Tynes field goal to open the game with 17 unanswered points. Staring down a 17-0 deficit and searching for answers, the Rams switched to a no-huddle offense to shake things up. The change in gameplan seemed to ignite them as Bulger fired back-to-back big gains to WR Isaac Bruce to move inside the Red Zone. From there Jackson bulled across the goal line from two yards out to cut the Chiefs lead to 17-7 midway through the second quarter.

Unfazed, the Chiefs would answer with a crisp, eight-play, 80-yard scoring march just before halftime. Huard completed three passes on the drive including his second touchdown pass to Gonzalez, this time from 25 yards out. On the play, Huard side-stepped a blitzing CB Travis Fisher and found his Pro Bowl tight end down the seam to take a 24-7 lead with 0:48 left in the half. The Rams would sneak in a 41-yard field goal from Jeff Wilkins as time expired on the half to make the score 24-10 at the break.

After the two clubs exchanged punts to open the second half, St. Louis would edge closer with a methodical 12-play, 80-yard third-quarter drive. The Rams converted a fourth-and-one play and scored on a Bulger-to-WR Kevin Curtis pass on third-and-goal from the two-yard line. Bulger completed five of six passes on the drive with a 27-yard hook-up to WR Torry Holt and a 22-yard run from Jackson moving the chains. Bulger’s touchdown pass brought the Rams within one score at 24-17 with 3:50 left in the third quarter.

It looked as though all the momentum was headed in the Rams direction as they tried to comeback from a 17-point deficit. Kansas City’s offense struggled to find their footing in the second half as it mustered just one first down in the third quarter. Then early in the fourth quarter the Chiefs were backed up at their own six-yard line and needed to burn some of the clock and slow down the St. Louis attack. Kansas City did that and more. Johnson ripped off runs of 15 and 16 yards, then Huard hooked up with Gonzalez on a big third-down conversion to keep the drive rolling. On the very next play from the 11-yard line, Huard (who finished with 148 yards and three TDs) capped the seven-play march with an 11-yard touchdown pass to TE Kris Wilson to take a commanding 31-17 lead with 6:20 left in the game.

St. Louis tried to get back in the game with a quick drive inside the Chiefs Red Zone. However, the Rams comeback bid came up short when Bulger’s third and fourth-down passes from inside the five-yard line were batted down. First, S Sammy Knight knocked down the third down attempt, then S Bernard Pollard iced the Chiefs 31-17 victory on fourth down.

The Chiefs (5-3) now travel to Miami (2-6) next Sunday, December 12th to take on the Dolphins. Kickoff is scheduled for Noon (central).

Borat!
R, Comedy, 1hr 22min
Opens on November 3, 2006
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen,
Ken Davitian, Pamela Anderson

A clever guy like Sacha Baron Cohen must have had a hard time developing a feature-length film based on his Ali G Show character Borat. As hilarious and biting as Borat's mockumentary segments are, there's a certain squirm factor that makes the bumbling immigrant's shtick work best in small doses. Also, Cohen's ability to go unrecognized and coax that incriminating candidness (or at least mortification) out of his interview subjects -- who believe their footage is intended solely for Khazakstani TV -- has shrunk with his notoriety. Despite all this, Cohen went for it, and the finished product of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is awesome -- genius in its infinite offensiveness to every man, woman, gypsy, rooster, grizzly bear, ice cream truck, and rodeo proprietor in America.

Cohen is absolutely fearless, whether he's addressing a rodeo with hopes that George W. Bush drink the blood of every human in Iraq, or returning from the bathroom at a dinner party with his feces in a plastic bag. He's also brilliantly sly, arranging the improvised footage that makes up the bulk of the film within the loose framework of a fictional story. The staged material provides occasional breathers so the audience doesn't get wound up too tight. And it works too; director Larry Charles does for Borat what Spike Jonze did for Jackass: The Movie, taking a small-scale funny concept and making it funnier through editing and arrangement (note details like the size of the black bar obscuring Cohen's genitalia during his naked wrestling match with cohort Azamat).

It does create something of a dilemma, in that the scripted moments -- though hilarious -- leave you faintly disappointed that they aren't real, while a full 90 minutes of Borat unleashing his antics on bewildered citizens would probably send the audience into empathic embarrassment-shock on a scale surpassing any Ben Stiller movie. Even still, that conundrum is really the only flaw in an otherwise uproarious film. Well, that and the fact that, like any work of cunning satire, it can't possibly be appreciated by everyone. Cohen doesn't advocate the trademark anti-Semitism, racism, homophobia, or general brutishness of his character (most easily proved by noting that Cohen himself is Jewish, and from a deeply religious family), and Borat's repugnant behavior is meant to make us laugh not with him, but at him -- and at the morons he's able to sucker into revealing their own ignorant side while he plays dumb. For those who can handle the irony, the formula is a great success. And for the rest, they probably won't want to see it anyway.

~ Cammila Albertson, All Movie Guide

More To Come....and they will be up for you to download in the Party Pics Section soon...

John Kerry apologized Wednesday for joking about the uneducated getting stuck in Iraq. He should be ashamed. Everybody knows the uneducated get stuck on talk radio. (HaBlog)

A new CNN poll shows that 51% of Americans believe the US can never win in Iraq. About the same percentage who believe that Rosie can never really replace Star Jones on "The View." (Bob Mills - Bereft on the Left)

Rumors are flying President Bush now actually has a plan for Iraq -- assuming Madonna agrees to adopt the whole country. (HaBlog)

The British government have hired Al Gore as a global warming adviser. Gore says he's looking forward to being completely ignored in a new country. (Conan O'Brien)

The Bush Administration will develop guidelines for physical activity by 2008. You know we are a nation that is out of shape when it takes more than a year to get an exercise program together.(Jim Barach)

On TV they showed the baby who was adopted by Madonna. Cute little kid. And because his mom is Madonna -- he wears his diaper outside his clothes. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

In an interview in “People”, Kevin Federline said the more people hate him the more it helps him; so I when his new Rap CD is out, Kevin is going to get a great deal of help. (comedy writer Alex Kaseberg)