Joke Of The Day:Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a
big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush."My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf. With that the wolf jumps up and screams,





"Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!"

Things You Can Only Say on Thanksgiving!

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

Joke Of The Day:Rookie Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"
12)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yayyyy, God.
13)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Thank You!!!

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our visitors from our first year online. Thanks to all 3,673 of you, who visited from the following regions:

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In Response to Ryan's K-Swiss Ad...

In the interest of brevity and to give everyone else a chance, I have compiled my comments into a top ten list.

The Top 10 Jokes about Ryan's K-Swiss Ad:

10. Ryan Seacrest called, he wants his look back.
9. Congratulations for following Brad Pitt as the second white man from MO to make it into VIBE!
8. Shoes are supposed to help hold you up, not the other way around.
7. Why did K-Swiss choose Ryan for the ad? - His tiny head does not distract from the shoes!
6. Hillary Duff called, she wants her jacket back.
5. If you airbrush out the shoe and add him chewing on some straw, Ryan could use the picture to audition for the new version of Hee-Haw!
4. Ryan doesn't seem to be really happy about the shoe, but maybe it's because his right foot is cold on the bare pavement.
3. When Ryan left for LA, he had brown hair, and brown eyes. Now he has blonde streaks and blues eyes. What's next Boobs and BOTOX?
2. When you factor in the cost of living in LA, Ryan made almost exactly the same as the Korean kids the the sweat shop that made the shoe.

And The Number 1 Joke about Ryan's K-Swiss Ad...

1. There are so many things wrong about Ryan's ad in VIBE, it could be the back cover of a Highlights Magazine!

PS- I am attaching my photo for next month's ad in VIBE....











Romeo
"Behave yourself! But if you can't be good, be good at it!"

RYAN WRITES HOME:Get Ready to Laugh!

What's up everybody,

okay, this is going to be a small scavenger hunt for this laughter but i think it will be worth your effort. if you get a chance swing by a news stand or a grocery store and find a copy of the december issue of seventeen magazine with nicole richie on the front, flip it open to the first page, give it a look, and i don't think it will take you to long to enjoy a good laugh at my expense. Look for the New KSwiss ad.

i will now go ahead and answer, what i feel is going to be the most popular question, right now.
the answer is yes, i borrowed the jean jacket from a 12 year old girl for that ad.
just kidding they put me in the shirt and jean jacket.

other magazines you can find this in:
december teen people with ashlee and jessica simpson on the cover, about 5 or 6 pages in
december teen vogue
december vibe with mary j. blige
and supposedly about ten other magazines

I am prepared to hear many jokes coming in my direction, so don't let me down.

I'm an idiot,

Ryan

NEW DRINK IDEA:PartyKC Punch

PartyKC Punch is a prefect party drink. It has the alcohol equivalent of a Long Island Ice-t, but tastes exactly like a Hawaiian Punch! All ingredients should be mixed in proportion of 1:1, but be careful with the tequila, too much can overpower the drink. Instead, go a little heavy on the juices or grenadine. I know it sounds like a lot for one drink, but just try it. It will turn your gathering into a party!

Ingredients: 1:1 ratio

Alcohols
Amaretto
Southern Comfort
Sloe Gin
Triple Sec
Tequila
Gin
Rum
Vodka
Non-alcoholic
Cranberry Juice
Orange Juice
Sprite
Grenadine