I recently hosted a "tacky social" for a group that I belong with. I sent out flower power invitations stating the time, date, place etc... With huge print stating that they come dressed in their tackiest.

The invitation stated that the "queen of tacky" would be voted on, and the winner "crowned". The decorations were everything you could think of.. Christmas decorations, Easter decorations, happy new year banners, happy birthday banners... Every kind of Christmas and Halloween light you could think of... All these draped and stuck anywhere and everywhere... Even the bathroom! Most were upside down and off center.

For entertainment, we played pin the tail on the donkey, musical chairs and twister... Boy, you don't see grown woman doing this often!! :o) We had a mix of music from the 60's, 70's 80's and 90's on in the background. We had tacky finger foods and sloppy joe's for dinner. I bought the cheapest, no-name brand drinks (sodas, wine & beer.) I hired a very cheesy dancer for our "main entertainment", who came dressed like a nerd, and danced horribly. {on purpose.} Oh, and you should see the way these woman showed up dressed! We had everything from a 100% polyester bowling leisure suit made for a man {but worn by a woman}, to a woman who showed up wearing thigh high leather lace up boots, a leather miniskirt and a bandana for a top!! Those tacky outfits I listed, and everything in between! plaids & polka dots, YOU NAME IT!!

It was so much fun. We have never laughed so hard! At the end of the night we voted on who was dressed the tackiest, and the winner was crowned with a tiara and sash that said" queen of tacky." And she was given a bunch of ugly fake flowers. To enhance the whole "tacky" feeling, I set out all differen

I recently hosted a "tacky social" for a group that I belong with. I sent out flower power invitations stating the time, date, place etc... With huge print stating that they come dressed in their tackiest.

The invitation stated that the "queen of tacky" would be voted on, and the winner "crowned". The decorations were everything you could think of.. Christmas decorations, Easter decorations, happy new year banners, happy birthday banners... Every kind of Christmas and Halloween light you could think of... All these draped and stuck anywhere and everywhere... Even the bathroom! Most were upside down and off center.

For entertainment, we played pin the tail on the donkey, musical chairs and twister... Boy, you don't see grown woman doing this often!! :o) We had a mix of music from the 60's, 70's 80's and 90's on in the background. We had tacky finger foods and sloppy joe's for dinner. I bought the cheapest, no-name brand drinks (sodas, wine & beer.) I hired a very cheesy dancer for our "main entertainment", who came dressed like a nerd, and danced horribly. {on purpose.} Oh, and you should see the way these woman showed up dressed! We had everything from a 100% polyester bowling leisure suit made for a man {but worn by a woman}, to a woman who showed up wearing thigh high leather lace up boots, a leather miniskirt and a bandana for a top!! Those tacky outfits I listed, and everything in between! plaids & polka dots, YOU NAME IT!!

It was so much fun. We have never laughed so hard! At the end of the night we voted on who was dressed the tackiest, and the winner was crowned with a tiara and sash that said" queen of tacky." And she was given a bunch of ugly fake flowers. To enhance the whole "tacky" feeling, I set out all different style/color/themed plates /napkins/plasticware/ glasses and had paisley tablecloths and dead flowers. If you decide to throw a tacky social, you and your guests will have SO MUCH FUN!!!! I still have people come up to me and tell me they need to think of a reason to throw a "tacky social". ENJOY!

The Legend of Zorro
PG, Action, 2hrs 10min
Opens on October 28, 2005
Antonio Banderas,
Catherine Zeta-Jones,
Rufus Sewell, ...more




The year is 1850. After fighting to help California become the 31st state of the Union, Zorro promises his wife Elena that he will give up his secret identity and live a normal life as Alejandro de la Vega. But now, the same forces that conspired to keep California from becoming part of the United States are plotting to unleash a threat that has been 500 years in the making -- a threat that could change the course of history forever. Only Zorro can stop it by taking on the most dangerous mission of his life. But, if he does what he must, will it mean losing Elena forever?

CAPRICORN
Tonight you will be going out with a very refined, high-class woman. Impress her with how cultured you are by casually mentioning that you think it's dumb for Americans to attend a Russian ballet because most of them won't understand the words.
TAURUS
Today a close friend will try to tell you you're boring by asking if you've ever read and memorized "The Seven Warning Signs of Dullness."
AQUARIUS
Today's a good day to learn how to be your own best friend. And since a man's best friend is his dog, that means that today is a good day to learn to be your own dog.
PISCES
Today's a good day to achieve total self-reliance. See if you can get somebody to do it for you.
ARIES
Today you will be born again. This will cause several drastic changes in your life. For one thing, all of your clothes will be much too big on you!

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me too."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to handle that big accounting problem."
3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"
2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"

And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. Raise your head slowly and say... in Jesus name, Amen.

Domino
R, Comedy Drama, 2hrs 0min
Opens on October 14, 2005
Keira Knightley, Shondrella Avery,
Edgar Ramirez ...more





The daughter of respected actor and matinee idol Lawrence Harvey, and model-turned-socialite Sophie Wynn, Domino Harvey was born into a life of wealth and privilege -- a lifestyle that did not interest her. Even from her earliest years, Domino rebelled against convention and the jet set. When Domino was only eight, her beloved father passed away and her mother looked to the stability of boarding school in a misguided attempt to tame her wild child. But nothing could repress Domino's fiery nature -- not friendships, not school, not her mother's high society. Even the extraordinary excesses paraded before her during a brief stint at modeling paled in comparison to her own escapades. Not until she stumbled upon a job seminar recruiting aspiring bounty hunters was her thirst for excitement at long last quenched. To Sophie's horror, Domino not only fell in love with the job but also with her fellow adventurers, who over the years would become her family

VIRGO
Avoid becoming involved in a romantic interlude while inside a recreational vehicle — especially if you're driving it at the time!
AQUARIUS
Today you will meet a tall, dark stranger, 6', 190 pounds, bulging muscles, expert in karate, nearly trimmed moustache. No matter how attracted you might feel toward this stranger, don't get involved ... because her husband is extremely jealous.
LIBRA
Avoid becoming romantically involved with any man whose hobby is blowing smoke rings through his nose - in spite of the fact that he doesn't smoke.
TAURUS
Although it's true that you are attractive to members of the opposite sex, the position of the stars indicates that you're mistaken in your belief that Sister Maria is secretly sending you coded love messages when she calls out the bingo numbers every Wednesday night at the church social.
LEO
Today's a good day for playing practical jokes. Sneak into a hospital operating room, tap the surgeon on the shoulder and playfully ask, "May I cut in?"

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.
The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory
The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting
The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes
The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB
The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted
The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N): A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire,leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an inevitable part of life.

We recently had a 'Blonde Party' for a 30 year old male friend. Everyone invited had to "Be a Blonde, Bring a Blonde or Become a Blonde". Most people came in a blonde wig or dressed up -a couple of enterprising chaps came in drag, one even as Princess Diana.

For decorations everything in pink and baby blue and we decorated the walls with pictures of famous blondes and blonde jokes (i.e. how do blonde brain cells die? Alone.) All raided from the internet.

Prizes were kids Barbie party favors and we dressed the birthday boy up as Barbie. Cocktails (pink of course) and gorgeous little nibblies were the order of the day. As well as being a nice easy theme to organize everyone was able to join in. It really was a hoot - everyone loved trying on each other's wigs - and yes, even the natural blondes enjoyed it! Once they found the house ofcourse...

Week of October 3, 2005
CAPRICORN
You are very troubled. You will not find true happiness until you achieve inner harmony. One way to help achieve inner harmony might be to give singing lessons to your liver and your pancreas.

PISCES
Today is a good day for physical fitness. Find out just what condition you're in by trying to touch your toes - with your knees.

AIRES
You've got to learn to live within your budget. You must learn to buy only what you can afford and avoid spending money you don't have. So send for our wonderful new book, "How To Stay Out Of Debt" — a terrific bargain at just 99.95. And if you don't have 99.95, just send us what you do have and we'll let you pay the rest in 47 easy payments of just 33.50 per month!

TAURUS
It's about time you gave up your unusual hobby and looked around for another. Let's face it — your innovative idea hasn't caught the public's fancy. Most people are simply not interested in joining a club made up of people who raise Homing Mosquitoes!

GEMINI
You are direct, plain-spoken and to the point. You believe in calling a spade a spade. You also believe in calling a hoe a spade ... and calling a rake a spade ... and calling a trowel a spade. In addition to being direct, plain-spoken and to the point, you also don't know a darn thing about the proper names of gardening tools.