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Ryan Writes Home:
Making Sure You Are Having A Good Time!
 #1: When your at the grocery store, if you spend more time picking out your fruit than you do picking out your shopping cart… YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A GOOD TIME.Lets be honest... If you just simply eyeball the carts and grab one, you’re a dumb cluck and you run a high high risk of getting one that will veer hard to the right or left when you run and jump on the back of it. Which means either a short lived ride or a unexpected rearrangement of the cereal isle. Who wants to jeopardize their own escapade on the shopping buggy, because they made a hasty choice upon their entry to the store. You ever try to run and leapfrog onto your shopping cart only to find out that someone has already broken the foot rod completely off. Your highly anticipated ride ends abruptly as your feet hit the flooring and skid the cart out of control damn near flipping your EasyMac and powdered donuts all over the f-ing place. This brings me to my next suggestion; if your 300 lbs do not attempt to ride the back of the grocery cart cause you’ll snap that foot rod like a twig and ruin the buffoonery for all of us. I don’t mean to ridicule the fatty’s or short them of their run at supermarket-hoopla, but seriously stay off my buggies. #2: If a successful trip to the bank is determined by whether or not you execute a trasaction, and not if they had any red suckers… YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A GOOD TIME.I am flabbergasted by the power of the sucker. Honestly, the bank could loose a $500 deposit of mine, which they’ve done before (I hope terrorists strike down on US Bank) and if I happen to have a red delectable sucker in my mouff (hip hop slang, look out) everything is just Jim dandy with me. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it's not that everything becomes peachy keen, it's just that it becomes impossible to be a hard ass with a sucker in your mouth. For some reason no one will take you seriously with a red slobbery mouth and shards of candy spewing out while you talk. All they do is ask you where your parents are, and why your not wearing your helmet. #3: If someone has ever pushed you tryin’ to start a fight and you fight, instead of using the classic retort, “Don’t push me, push a push pop!”… YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A GOOD TIME.That commercial was the light of my life for a good year and a half. Every single time I saw that ad with the bully tormenting the scrawny kid and then continuously shoving him as he busts out the famous line “Don’t push me push a push pop!” and the browbeater of a bully completely backs down, puts on a $#!+-eating grin, and accepts the push pop. The commercial ends with these two gooses sharing the scrumptious delight of the push pop. Please, in real life that young man would have had his @$$ handed to him in a abrasive manner and we all know it! But with their happy ending, it only reassures my previous manifesto that you cannot be ill-tempered when there is hard, mouth watering candy involved. #4: If you’ve ever taken a cab or a ride, instead offering to drive you and four of your friends to the bar, because you didn’t want to have to sit on the hump… YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A GOOD TIME.The dreaded hump! No one ever wanted to get stuck with the hump. The hump meant you were at the bottom of the totem pole, it went driver/grown up/rich friend spoiled by parents with the nicest car/shotgun = whom ever called it the second they walked out the front door of the house/window = the next two dimwits that actually heard shotgun being called/then the hump = knuckle head that can never remember to call anything or the little bee hottch of family that got nothing but handy me downs and noogies. The hump, however, is the reason that the game corners was invented. Corners was started by the kid that finally got fett up with croozing on the hump to school every morning, and began trying to crush the life out of their friends as they hit every little turn, and then brings the thunder with a stiff forearm to the side of their skull as it mashed against the window. All just fun and games of course. #5: If when you arrived at the bar, you strolled in and ordered a beer instead of a Rum and Welch's Grape Soda… YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Why is that when you were a kid you were like a super hero when it came to guzzling Welch’s grape soda? I was capable of taking down a 12 pack in a single afternoon, stopping only to consume pixy sticks, fun dip, and big league chew. Now, I strongly believe that if I ingested more than ¾ of Welch’s grape soda, I would probably perform some projectile vomiting stunt, worthy of the Olympics. I apologize for the brutal imagery there, but I am still shaking off of the nerves of recently quitting candy cigarettes. Your favorite idiot, Ryan Montague
Horoscopes
 SCORPIO Venus has moved out of your second house and into a condominium down the street. Don't refund her cleaning deposit until you check the carpets for damage. SAGITTARIUSI'm afraid I've got some disappointing news. Today you were supposed to be "born again," but your mother absolutely refused to cooperate. AQUARIUS
As of today, Fortune can be yours ... along with Forbes, Business Week and U.S. News & World Report for just pennies per month! PISCESToday you will become famous by publishing a book that attempts to prove that Rembrandt did all his paintings by number. CAPRICORN
Today an enraged group of grocery clerks will beat you mercilessly until you agree to have a nice day.
Jesse Tack News and Views
 Two women from Iowa were threatened with car-jacking as two black men demanded the women get out of their car at the recent Kenny Chesney concert. There is a $2,000 award for information that leads to the suspects and explains why two black men were at a Kenny Chesney concert. Time Warner Cable Kansas City is now by encouraging parents to gain control of what their kids are watching on TV. Sometimes, all it takes is a little mind-game. Step 1: Hide the remote. Repeat if necessary. The Kansas State Fair is offering a free marriage ceremony this year. Organizers say it will be a first-class event complete with formal wear, carnival rides, and free food. Mustard stain on bride's dress* is optional. *Mustard stain can be substituted by any of the following condiments: Ketchup, BBQ sauce, or relish. Hurricane Katrina hits the Gulf Coast. Katrina and The Waves leave New Orleans under water, not walking on sunshine. Experts are predicting the Chiefs record to be 13-3 again this year. 13 convictions and 3 arrests otheirer police record.
The Conspiracy Party
What is a Conspiracy Party?A woman known as webfairy, came up with the idea of a party where people can sample food, drinks, and conspiracy theories. These parties are a great way to meet people who enjoy a difference of opinion. In addition, these parties spread information about what is happening in our world, and that could lead to more responsible voters. Sample Flyers For Your Own Party
A flyer to "Go Where Michael Moore Will Never Take You": • One-page Flyer, PDF file, 186 kb, color • 2 per page (cut page in half), PDF file, 128 kb, color • 2 per page , PDF file, 99 kb, black & white A party about the 9-11 attack and offers wine tasting: • Wine and Conspiracy Tasting For 9-11, PDF file, 86 kb A party without wine, and has a variety of conspiracies: • Variety Conspiracy Party, PDF file, 109 kb A flyer with Sheeple and their Pied Piper: • Conspiracy Party and Sheeple, PDF file, 103 kb PDF Documents for a Conspiracy PartyYou need books, videos, or some material about conspiracies for your party. If you don't have much, I made the following document for you to print. You can let your guests pass it around. It will print on standard sheets of paper, and the fonts are large enough for even the ordinary ink jet printers.
I Rise to Toast the Bride and Groom
A wedding toast should be egoless, true and brief. Most are exactly the opposite.
By Marc Gellman
Newsweek
Two weeks ago, in my ongoing attempt to improve the state of spiritual etiquette, I wrote a self-help column on how to deliver a eulogy. I hinted at that time that a column on how to give a wedding toast was on the way, and I immediately received in my e-mail satchel a needful e-letter from an e-woman whose e-husband was facing an impending wedding toast and hoped I could offer some advice as soon as possible. So, here goes....
My advice to toasters is pretty much the same as my advice to eulogizers except that you should always remember that the people you're talking about aren't dead yet. Like a eulogy, a wedding toast must be egoless, true and brief. Like eulogies, the point of the toast is to wish the bride and groom well and ask God to bless their marriage, not tell everyone everything about yourself and more about the bride and groom than they would want known.
 The two main problems I have seen in disastrous wedding toasts (which amount to at least 99 percent of all the wedding toasts I have had the painful opportunity to hear) are that, one, the people giving the toast are already drunk and two, the people giving the toast are trying to be funny. Being successfully sober is much easier than being successfully funny, so unless you are professionally hilarious, like me, my advice is to go for the tender personal toast over the potentially funny but usually tasteless toast. Most male wedding toasters (best man, brothers and buddies) just can't pull off either tender or personal toasts--drunk or sober. Fathers have a shot at tender and personal toasts, especially when they are marrying off their "little girl," but even fathers tend to be stiffer and more stilted than they need to be or should be during a wedding toast. Women can do this in their sleep, but they tend to cry a lot.
I think it is also unwise to extemporize your toast unless you are a professionally accomplished public speaker. Even then, winging it is dangerous. Write it out and read the damn thing. Yes, it's true that the emotional impact of a memorized toast is far greater than a recited toast, but what you lose in spontaneity, you will gain by not dissolving into a pool of sobbing incoherent goo, or saying something you just thought up that minute which will make the bride and groom hate you for the rest of their lives.
Also, if your written toast is more than one half of a typed page (single-spaced, 14-point font) it is too long. I have never ever heard a wedding toast that caused listeners to demand that the toaster keep on toasting for another 10 minutes. Less is more, just like a eulogy.
Another common mistake of wedding toasters is in assuming that it is funny or endearing for either the bride or groom or the guests or the waiters or the party enhancers or the valet parking guys to hear a list of the bride and groom's most embarrassing moments. If any of your sentences begin, "Dude, do you remember the time we were trying to score chicks at Cabo Wabo?" rip it up and try again.
Another problem is sibling rivalries. Get it through your head that your lifelong envious bickering with your brother or sister is embarrassing, irrelevant, unattractive and almost always destructive in a wedding toast. Talk about the great things your sibling has taught you and how much you love him or her. Even if it's a lie, who cares? Most people will not discover it until after the party and the people who do know that you hate your sib will think you finally made up--which you should do anyway. For a father of the bride who is offering a toast (I don't know why more mothers don't give toasts, but they don't and it's a shame), the obvious is the obvious. You should welcome everyone and tell them how much it means to you and your wife or ex-wife or both your ex-wives that they have all joined you for this joyous occasion. Welcome your son-in-law and his family into your family and tell his family how much you love their son and how happy you are that he will be spending every single holiday and vacation with your family and how he has willingly agreed never to see or speak to them again. Whatever you say during your toast, for God's sake don't end it with "Now let's party!" or "Boo-yah!"
For nonreligious toasters, I beg you to try to stifle your atheism for a minute and include in your toast at least the formulaic phrase, "God bless you both!" at the end of your toast. If you are religious, you might include the old Jewish legend that, just to keep busy, God spends every day after creating the world matching up brides and grooms. Then say, "Today we are here to celebrate some of God's best work." If it is a Christian wedding, say that it is an old Christian legend. If anyone presses you for a source, just offer him or her another martini.
I like toasts that include the phrase, "I pray that you will be blessed to see the children of your children's children." However, you should first check out any fertility issues. I once said that to a bride and groom during a wedding ceremony and discovered later from the weeping bride that she was infertile. I was then quickly ushered out of the party by her large and angry brother, so the fertility prayer is something of a risk.
A final word about eloquence, the guests who hear your toast are not expecting Shakespeare because some of them even know, or heard on MTV, that Shakespeare is dead. However, I implore you to try to lift the rhetoric a few clicks above "You guys are totally awesome!" You can do it. I believe with all my heart in the power of natural eloquence. A good way to do this is to talk about what you learned from the bride and groom and from their love for each other. Speak about how their love has lifted up and inspired not just the two of them but you and all their friends and family, as well. Speaking about our family and friends not just as family and friends but also as our life teachers is a good way to elevate and honor the true place of family, friendship and love in our lives. You might also want to speak about the shared passions of the bride and groom. However, if their principal passions are shopping and drinking beer, forget this and go right to the old Jewish legend. Just speak from your heart about what you love about them, and then sit down.
I once said to the bride who was marrying a kid I had known since he was 2, "Melissa, I always knew David would marry you. I just didn't know your name or your face until that day when he introduced you to me. But I knew it would be you; I knew it would be someone who would love his energy and his passion, his loyalty and his kindness. You were not only made for each other, you were made only for each other. And so my deepest hope and prayer for the two of you is that, in the words of D. H. Lawrence, 'May you have the courage of your tenderness'." Something like that might work. Anyway, Mazel Tov to all the brides and grooms and toasters out there, and now ... Let's party! Boo-yah!
Party Idea: The Hollywood Party
 Star-powered parties are all the rage when you host a Hollywood Party. From Rodeo Drive to Santa Monica Blvd, your guests will believe they are in Hollywood as they pull up to your home and enter the land of make-believe!Invitations:Great Hollywood Party invitation ideas include:Obtain a picture of the actual "Hollywood" sign either from the Internet or live, and use that as the front page of your invitation. This will intrigue your guests as they open the invite to learn more about what is inside! Film reels, directors chairs, and the words, "Ready - places everyone - party!" will quickly send the message of your Hollywood Party to guests! Movie ideas - such as Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, or even Marilyn Monroe and Greta Garbo - can put your party-goers in the mood for a night of classic movies, food, and fun! Whatever your preference, make sure your invitation exemplifies the fun you will have at your Hollywood Party!
Decoration Ideas:  Depending on the theme of your party, you will want to decorate accordingly. Some great decorating tips include:
Purchase very large metallic stars and paint them gold. Using permanent marker,write the names of your guests on each, and secure to your sidewalk leading to the front door. This will start the party off right, as the guests walk along the "walk of the stars", knowing they are the starts of the party! Turn your garage or basement into a movie theatre or stage. Decorate with posters of movies of all types (classic or more modern), and if possible, hang a burgundy red curtain along the back wall. To create a stage, simply put together a large platform that will hold people. Materials and ideas for this can be found at either www.homedepot.com or www.lowes.com. Seats can be as simple as "bring your own" lawn chairs or moving your own sofas, lazy boys, and even bean bag chairs so your guests enjoy the entertainment in comfort! Roll out the red carpet at the front door, and have pseudo "paparazzi" taking pictures and badgering the guests with questions. Using a digital camera might enable you to have an after party website that guests can visit to remember the fun of the event.  Activity Ideas: The highlight of the party can be the activities enjoyed by your guests. Some great activities for your Western-Themed Party could include: Variety Show.Have your guests show off their talent on your new stage, whether it’s singing, skits, stand up comedy, etc. Make sure to have an awards ceremony afterward, giving the "winners" their own "Emmy" or "CMA" award with the party name and date either written or engraved at the bottom. Rent classic movies,"chick flicks", "action" films, or if you prefer, horror movies, and entertain your guests with the movie theme that you all enjoy together. Escort your guests to their seats,and make sure your escorts wear tuxes (even if you have to hire a few teenagers for a few bucks, that will add to the fun as they escort your guests to their seats and serve them food and non-alcoholic beverages!). "Clips Quiz"put together very, very short clips or sound bites of some of your favorite movies, and quiz your guests on which one is which. For example, from the movie "Jerry MacGuire", you might choose the sound bite "Show me the Money!!", and have your guests write down on their quiz sheet which movie that came from. This can be great fun as people find out just how much they know or remember about their favorite movies. Food Ideas:Hollywood is about glamour, glitz, and money. Some great food ideas for your Hollywood Party include:
Caviar with light crackers.
If your guests have a more sophisticated palate, you could do different types of caviar, or have your guests each bring their favorite for a taste testing.
Seafood of all types!
Whether it is shrimp cocktail, sushi, lobster bisque, or crab meat (already out of the legs) with butter, your guests will enjoy the different tastes of seafood while enjoying the movie theme!
Popcorn and ju-ju fruits!
What better, economical way to celebrate Hollywood by providing true movie-going food? You might also include rotisserie hot dogs, nachos with cheese, M&M’s, and other movie-friendly food for a more relaxed and casual night.  However you create your Hollywood Party, remember that you will be creating a night to remember for all your guests! Hollywood Parties are fun and can inspire additional ideas for future "follow-up" parties for you and your guests!
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
 This is the funniest movie, I have seen this year! In the past couple weeks, I went to Wedding Crashers, Duce Bigalow, and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I laughed hardest at the Virgin! I know a lot of you will have trepidations about this film, but believe me, it is not crass, it's not crude, and they certainly didn't show all the funny parts in the previews!
I went with four friends, and we were laughing so hard that it was echoing off the screen. Sometimes, we would stop laughing, then everyone else in the theater would start laughing again, because we missed the next joke! It was back to back jokes with physical comedy, slams on each other, and just great comedy writing. We laughed hardest about 5 minutes into the film about a Michael McDonald video playing in the background. You didn't see that in the preview, did you? Trust me, GO SEE THIS FILM. If you don't like it, write me and we can talk! Michael Romeo
Warning... THIS IS REAL!
I have seen it happen.
Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date-rape drug called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere."Beer" is used by female predators to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them.  Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these "beers" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex, a simple approach that renders most men helpless. After several "beers," men will have sex with even unattractive women. Often men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad happened. Some really unfortunate men are even separated from their life's savings in a scam called "a relationship." In extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called "marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam once "beer" is administered. Forward this warning to every male you know.And if you, or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured: Male support groups exist in every major city where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under "Golf Courses."
It's Football season...
 A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had greatseats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how sheliked the experience."Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and allthe big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing eachother over 25 cents." "What do you mean, 25 cents?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of thegame, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get thequarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
Horoscopes
Week of August 15, 2005SAGITTARIUSToday's a good day to take a flyer in the market. Invite an airline pilot to go with you to HyVee. AQUARIUSIntrospection is today's byword. Spend time looking inside yourself. If you have trouble looking inside yourself, try one of those long, bended mirrors your dentist uses. PISCESWomen are attracted to men who are romantic yet appear to be different than other men. Prove to your girlfriend that you are different than all the other men she's known. Whisper sweet nothings in her nose. ARIESDemonstrate your superiority over machines. Stand on the corner of 18th and Vine and when the sign says "Walk," refuse to do so until it says "Please." TAURUSPrepare for the upcoming economic collapse by stocking up on the necessities of life. Try hoarding shoelace tips.
25 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW!
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standingin a garage makes you a car. 4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. 5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel sogood. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waistchange places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeksbefore you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize amistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the realworld. 25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've nevertried.
World's Thinnest Books
FRENCH WAR HEROESby Jacques Chirac HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRYby Jane Fonda MY BEAUTY SECRETSby Janet Reno HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANEby John Denver MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTSby Dan Marino THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILLby Hillary Clinton MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENEby Osama Bin Laden THINGS I CANNOT AFFORDby Bill Gates THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEYby Dennis Rodman MY WILD YEARSby Al Gore AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFICAMERICA 'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERSDETROIT : A Travel GuideA COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHESby Dr. J. Kevorkian ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFOREby Ellen de Generes GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTEby Mike Tyson SPOTTED OWL RECIPESby the EPA THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORYMY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERSby O. J. Simpson And the world's Number One Thinnest Book :MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clintonwith introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson
Kurvie Kritics
 Just got in from Nick's in Independence. Tonight was a friend's birthday, so after work I rushed right over. Not a bad bar, if you don't mind it smoky and a female bartender who's ass hangs out of her jean mini-skirt. We actually decided to go there because one of our favorite bands was playing there tonight. POJ, better known as Pieces of Jake, plays around the KC area, and they cover a bunch of popular songs of rock and roll and some pop/r&b. A good time was had, but I had to leave about an hour after I got there because I just couldn't take the smoke anymore. Oh, another plus about that bar--they have awesome drink specials a few times a week...totally worth it. Here lately I've been spending a little bit of time at the American Legion in Parkville. I know, I know, a girl in her mid-20's hanging out at that kind of place?!?! It's different than you'd think. On Wednesday nights I head up there to hang out with a bunch of friends from college and we stay for the kareoke. Thursday nights we pop up there for what we've deemed "Blues Fest." We get Pabst Blue Ribbon and Kamakaze shots for a buck. Awesome stuff. Lemme tell ya, it got crazy last night!
Ryan Comes Home!
 whats up everyone - just wanted to let you all now that as of wednesday august 10th at 6:02pm i will officially be back in kc for an entire week. (for Brent Carpenter only: Carp a week is 7 days that means i will be leaving wednesday august 17th and we have until then to hang out) (for everyone except Carp: he's pretty slow and sometimes needs the obvious spelled out for him) i am really looking forward to being back and getting to see everyone again it will be a nice break from LA and the traffic, bums, no drive thru banking, having to park in a structure and take an elevator to the grocery store, transvestites, (oh, yeah that reminds me Carp your dad says hi), paying $2.60 for gas, and paying $15 for a movie. Neato Gang Super Duper! see ya'll soon, monty
This is for all you cook's out there looking for something a little different...
 WANT TO HAVE FUN AT A PARTY?
PREPARE THIS RECIPE! COMPLETELY EDIBLE, BUT YOUR FRIENDS MAY NOT THINK SO!On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat, I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board. After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so that my wife could make it, which she refused to do. I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats. The pictures below show the results of her work. It doesn't look very nice, but it's actually quite tasty, so I decided to pass it along. "Kitty Litter Cake"CAKE INGREDIENTS:1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix 1 box of white cake mix 1 package white sandwich cookies 1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix A few drops green food coloring 12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"1 NEW cat-litter box 1 NEW cat-litter box liner 1 NEW pooper scooper 1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside. 2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl.Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture. 3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft andpliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top. 4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of thebox. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!
Horoscopes
TAURUSBe different today. Go over to KCI and pester the Hari Krishna for small change. CANCERYou must learn to pay attention to your bio-rhythms. For example, today you'll reach your intellectual zenith by mid-morning, with a mild depression in the early afternoon ... followed by a low front coming down from Canada, partly cloudy skies and a 20% chance of scattered showers in the late evening. LEOToday you will make musical history by being the first person to play the tuba from the other end. VIRGOToday you will watch a magician saw a woman in half. Show him you're not impressed by asking him to saw her in half again - vertically. LIBRAI've got some good news and bad news for you today. The bad news is the IRS is going to give you a surprise audit. The good news is they've just finished installing a completely new air conditioning system at the federal penitentary. SAGITTARIUSYour worst fears about your son are true. He's decided that after he finishes his schooling, he wants to become a bureaucrat. CAPRICORNToday a young man will come to your door selling magazine subscriptions. Get rid of him fast by saying you'd like to subscribe to "Torture Digest" and "Psycho Killers Monthly" ... then invite him in for a cup of coffee. AQUARIUSYour lucky star is Kathie Lee Gifford. You have my deepest sympathies. PISCESGee, this is so embarrassing. You see, today was supposed to be your lucky day, but ... um ... well, actually, I sold it to someone else. ARIESToday's a good day to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Try to do it when they're not wearing them, though.
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#1: When your at the grocery store, if you spend more time picking out your fruit than you do picking out your shopping cart… YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A GOOD TIME.
