Michael Romeo's Food Pyramid

The Food and Drug Administration recently released a new food pyramid, and it made me think. First of all, that means the previous food pyramid has been wrong for decades! Secondly, we have no reason to trust the new one. If they were wrong before, who's to say we should trust them now. Secondly, the only reason they made a new pyramid is because they are afraid of the obesity epidemic. And they just recalculated those numbers, and it turns out that only about 25,000 or so Americans died last year from obesity. That is only like 0.00001 % of the population. The rest of us are just being starved for no good reason, because of these pigs. So I don't think there is any reason to trust or follow the new FDA Pyramid, and I am releasing my own pyramid that has seemed to work for me for the last 25 years or so, while everyone else was following the wrong FDA Pyramid.

So here it is! Let's start at the bottom. Pizza should be eaten at least once a day. It doesn't matter what time of day. You can eat it cold for breakfast, re-heated for a snack, or piping hot out of the oven for lunch or dinner. It is very versatile, diverse, balanced, and readily available for your freezer, dine-in, or carry-out pleasure!

The second layer is divide between Cow and Cheese. These could probably be combined into one category, but it is important to get a serving of each separately. It does not matter what part of the cow in consumed or the way its prepared, you just need cow in you diet. Try burgers, steak, or ground beef in other dishes. Cheese is even more important with its own sub-categories of fried cheese, cheese sauces, and regular plain cheese. These can be substituted or combined but must be consumed with every meal. If you can't put cheese on it, you really don't need to be eating it.

The next layer includes food for medicinal purposes. Food is needed to survive, but it also can bring lots of pleasure, satisfaction, and healing. The categories of dessert and alcohol are included here to insure that you are not only healthy, but happy too! Desserts and alcohol are required, but can be consumed as needed. Some days you will need mass amounts of Chocolate and/or alcohol, and some days you will need a little.

Finally the peak position belongs to the product that will keep you at you peak physical performance levels. Mountain Dew should be consumed upon awakening, and continually throughout the day. This will help you wake up, and keep you on your toes through your daily activities. Not only does it raise your metabolism, but you can also use it to clean the engine in your cars. Needless to say, you should have Mountain Dew on hand at all time.

Disclaimer: Following this diet may cause serious injury or death. No compensation was received from Mountain Dew, Bud Light, or any cows.

How To Sing Karaoke:

Karaoke is easy. Singing well is hard! If you just want to do karaoke, all you really need is too much to drink, and you name on the list. However, if you actually want to do well, there are some things you need to know....

First, watch American Idol. Listen to what the judges say about the different contestants and why they did well. The number 1 reason why singers fail is SONG CHOICE! There are only a few people in the world that can sing old school Maria Carey, and do it well enough to impress an audience. However, most of us can stumble through Vanilla Ice. When choosing a song, there are 5 things you have to consider:

1. Do you know all the words to the song?
2. Do you know the melody?
3. Can you sing the notes required?
4. Does the song's attitude fit your personality and the mood of the room?
5. Is it recognizable to everyone else in the room? How popular is the song?

Do you know all the words to the song?
Most importantly you have to know the VERSES. Everyone knows the chorus, but the true test comes on the start of the song, and the verses! This is can be fudged a little since the words are on the screen while your singing, but at least, you have to know how the whole song goes, even if you don't know it by heart.

Do you know the melody?
Obviously, you have to know how the song goes, but you would be surprised at how many people forget once the words start changing color on the screen. There is nothing worse, than when someone takes your favorite song and murders it. Often times, especially late in the night, notes off key can be forgiven, but if you are not on the beat or even a whole bar behind, the song is ruined. You may get away with it for a couple seconds, but once you hit the refrain and the background singer are singing a different verse, you are going to look like an idiot. PLEASE, know the song well enough to stay on beat, and all other sins will be forgiven.

Can you sing the notes required?
This is where over 75% of us, potential singers are disqualified. I say us, because I can't sing well either. Here is the key. I don't try that often. This doesn't mean that you have to give up singing, just pick easier songs. Think about it, your normal voice has to be in some key. Just find a song in that range. If you have a high, squeaky voice, then sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. If you have a low, monotone voice, then sing Humpty Dance or Barry White. If you are not an accomplished singer, these people are off limits: Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Josh Groban, Marvin Gaye, Lionel Riche, and Maria Carey.

Does the song's attitude fit?
This never enters the mind of 50% of all karaoke singers. Especially, singers with good voices! Think about it, you have an amazing talent, and a chance to impress hundreds of people. Why would you pick a song that is slow and dramatic, and make everyone cry? Sometimes, its ok, at the beginning of the night, the very end, or for a break, but for the most part, go ahead and ROCK IT OUT! Why not knock the socks of the audience, get them out of their seats and shaking their booty? The key is to fit the mood of the bar at that moment in time. If it is early and everyone is still mellow, sing a relaxing song. If it is late and the dance floor is crazy, then sing a fun, crazy dance song.

How popular is the song?
WOW! Is this one important? Most karaoke providers have 1,000's of songs, not all of them are suitable to sing. That's because we go to a variety of places, and purchase compilation CD's with a variety of tracks on them. If you are in the hippest new night club in town, and dancing the night away. You could absolutely rock out a country song, and no one would care. You could hit every note, it could be an awesome song, and you could be getting into it, but no one will care if it they don't know the song. So here's the tip, read the room, listen to what other people sing, and pick a song that they can sing along with too! You will be a lot more popular, and probably make some friends. To get a great response, the audience has to know the song well enough to tell that you rocked it out!

Disclaimer: With all that said, if you don't care that you get applause, sing what you want. You are ultimately doing it for yourself anyway. So if its a country bar and you want to inject some rock or dance, then go for it! Just realize that you might not get the love that you deserve.

What's Is It About Girls Dancing On The Bar?

Let me start by saying that I too love to a bunch of girls dancing on the bar. So I am not discouraging it, by any means. I just saw these two girls do this the other night, and it hit me as unusual. I guess because I actually haven't seen it in awhile. Most places generally don't allow it, because they don't want a lawsuit, but I love it when I when the manager is willing to risk it! However, I think that is my point. Why do we love it so much?

The girls go nuts, they all jump up on the bar, and go into super slutty dance mode. Then the guys line up around the bar instantly, as if there stripper sense was tingling. The guys all whisper to there friends, check out the girls, and basically stand in awe and attention. Then the song ends, they help the girls down, and the night continues.

It seems weird to me that the girls get excited and the guys go absolutely nuts for this. I mean think about it. They are pretty much just doing the same dance moves they were previously doing, only this time it's 4 feet higher! Its really not very impressive, but I guess the girls like the attention, and the guys are just hoping to see something naked.

Go See A Royals Game!

OK, I will be the first to admit it. The Royals are not the Yankees, and they never will be. However, I went out to Opening Day, and I had a blast. The Atmosphere, weather, excitement, cold beverages, hot dogs, and baseball, where exactly what I needed. If you have been getting a bit of Spring Fever, feeling a little depressed or frustrated that you can't get out and enjoy the nice weather, here is my advice.

Call in sick!

If you have to, but skip out early sometime this week and go out to a Royals game. Trust me, when I say that it is just what the doctor ordered. Keep in mind that the Royals will probably lose, but hey, it's always fun rooting for the underdog! Besides, here are my Top 5 Reasons to go to the Ballpark:

5. It's not work.
4. They sell booze!
3. They do all the work. You just get to sit there and watch!
2. If you pick the right day, you can relax in the sun and let your cares melt away.
1. It is not work!

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

Earthman Arthur Dent is having a very bad day. His house is about to be bulldozed, he discovers that his best friend is an alien and to top things off, Planet Earth is about to be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Arthur's only chance for survival: hitch a ride on a passing spacecraft. For the novice space traveler, the greatest adventure in the universe begins when the world ends. Arthur sets out on a journey in which he finds that nothing is as it seems: he learns that a towel is just the most useful thing in the universe, finds the meaning of life, and discovers that everything he needs to know can be found in one book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I have read all 5 books in the Hitchhiker's Trilogy. You must see this movie! It is one of the funniest, craziest, and coolest stories ever written. Not to mention, they are great books, and have an awesome website!

http://hitchhikers.movies.go.com/index.html

A Brand New Feature to Partykc.com

I hope this will become a cool place to comment on our shows, make suggestions for changes to the site or shows, and make fun of drunk people who make asses out of themselves.